Reasons I quit screenwriting
[Disillusionment disclaimer... don't read this if you're really excited about your future screenwriting career!]
If you had
asked me two years ago, I would've told you that screenwriting was my true calling. I loved
experiencing my progress from script to script, finding that great plot twist
in act two, or watching that wonderful character come to life on the page.
Everyone knows... You have to follow your calling to find true happiness. Right?
However, finally, after many months, I had to admit that screenwriting wasn't making me happy at all.
In fact, it was making me miserable.
Few "highs" were interrupted by long, agonizing lows of not getting anywhere. Every time I thought I might get a break,
my hopes came crushing down some time after. I attracted interest from
agents – only to get a rejection months later. I advanced in a competition – just to be disqualified
before the level that would've allowed me visit that seminar or get a meeting with Hollywood professionals.
I had already known – sort of – that screenwriting is a highly competitive
field where ten-thousands of people fight over very few empty chairs. But I didn't really expect it to be that difficult. I didn't realize how many of those people were
intelligent, creative, and very, very driven, just like me.
I had read a lot of "bad" scripts, especially on Zoetrope, and heard about the disastrous quality of most scripts entered in
contests and such. That was very encouraging! However, after being at it for a while, I
got to read a few scripts by unknown writers who were just as good, or even better, than I was. It was scary to realize that those people were struggling just
as hard; that they still didn't have representation even though they were very gifted.
I talked to some aspiring screenwriters who had been trying for
years, and I found that they all had this creepy air of desparation around them. They were still trying hard as ever, but stuck in the worst career imaginable. A career that pays virtually nothing for extremely difficult
labor. A career where your "bosses" reject your work almost daily. Where your
intelligence, drive, and effort, easily amounts to... nothing. Or close to nothing.
I imagined what these people would've been able to accomplish, if they had applied part of their intelligence and drive to
something else.
I read a study that creative writing is
linked to clinical depression. What makes us creative, also tends to drive us to become more depressed
than the average person. I realized how this can create a vicious circle... writing leads to occasional "highs,"
and the more you write, the more you you need those "highs", so you write even more. Writing is an extremely introverted and
introspective endeavor and can lead you to neglect other hobbies and lose contact with friends. You live in the future, not the present, always
focusing on the day when your dreams will finally come true.
Some people "make it" that way. They pursue their dream with feverish determination until they finally get their breakthrough.
Showbusiness is full of those stories.
However, just because an unhealthy obsession leads to success (sometimes), does this make it desirable or healthy?
I started to wonder if this really was my true calling: to write Hollywood movies. I couldn't even say that I liked Hollywood
very much. My favorite kind of people are thoughtful, down-to-earth people. Those kind of people
are harder to find in Hollywood than many other places.
Shortly after finishing my sixth screenplay I watched a late-night showing of "Swimming with Sharks." Yes it's a satire, not to
be taken literally. But it chipped away a bit at my dream of becoming a screenwriter, too. It reinforced some doubts I
had already carried in my mind.
Another observation: Writing diminished the pleasure I found in other things. I had always loved going to the movies,
but after two years of writing,
I found that there were almost no films I could truly enjoy.
Most of the time, I was watching with the inner critic's eye, dissecting the movie as I was watching it.
To cut a long story short – I found a way to postpone my seventh screenplay indefinitely, and focus on other things.
I hate to say it – but I'm so much happier. I love watching movies again. I don't have the constant time pressure of
finishing that next draft for the next contest. I complete projects that are appreciated by my clients and get me recognition.
I enjoy more family time and time with friends. Okay, so I'm not impressing millions... but maybe
a few dozen or hundreds.
I still love storytelling and crafting stories. Being creative will continue to be a big part of my life until the
day I die. But I don't regret abandoning my all-or-nothing quest of becoming a professional screenwriter.
I know a lot of you will think now that I am "one of the weaklings who fell by the wayside," due to lack of talent
and determination. However, it takes a lot of strength to make the decisions I did. I don't envy those who have taken on
the monumental task of making it in screenwriting with no "Plan B." I'm glad I've made my choices now, rather than five or ten years down the road.
Maybe Scripts-and-Coverage.com will help someone in their quest to get their script produced. I hope so. If yes, let me know!
See you at the movies!
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